Please pray for my SIL's dad!

My SIL's (married to my husbands' brother) dad is having surgery today. Her mom died about 10 years ago from breast cancer.

They discovered about a week ago that her dad has pancreatic cancer. They live in Ecuador but traveled immediately to Rochester to the Mayo clinic. They got there on Monday and he is having surgery RIGHT NOW!!

Please pray for him and his family!!!

On a side note, TTC wise... second cycle failed... we are now on a break!!! :)

Prayers please!

Tuesday is my last CPA exam! (Financial Accounting) I have been studying non stop since January, I have passed 3 parts and finally the end is coming!! Its been a tough year and I'm so ready to have my life back!!!

I haven't study much as I should have, first my best friend (the one that gave birth in Oct) is moving back to Ecuador. So I have been visiting them VERY often, and she lives like 1 hour away, so that was a whole day of no studying. Also I think I'm getting so tired that I have NO motivation to study!

I will be studying as much as I can this weekend and Monday and hoping that God will help me get through the exam on Tuesday. Your prayers have worked wonders so please keep me on yours that day!!! Its Tuesday at 8am eastern time!

Thanks!!!

Drs appointment...

We had our follow up appointment with Dr E. yesterday. He basically said what we already knew. That it rarely happens on the first try, that we need to keep trying, and that even the most fertile couples don't always get pregnant on their first try... he said he is sure we will get preggo very soon, as we have been preggo before. He said the cycle went perfect so he would like to do the same. So Femara cycle 2 here we go!!!

DH and I agreed to try 2 more times... if it doesn't work we are going to stop and save for our next step IVF, even if the Dr doesn't think we need it, we are having it as a back up plan.

He did say that we will be doing the intralipids before ovulation and then if we get preggo we will do it every 28 days until we reach 12 weeks. He did an u/s yesterday to see if AF was coming soon and check for cysts so that we didn't have to go back for cd3 u/s. I Oed 2 eggs from my left ovary and maybe 1 from the right, but he wasn't sure. So he said Femara worked perfectly for me. I had a great lining and many antrafollies and no cysts, so he gave us the prescription to start!

AF arrived today, so our new cycle just began!

Good and bad...

Good news is my mom did very well on her surgery! She is in recovery now and will be going home later today!! Praise God!

Bad news is my beta was negative... we have an appointment on Wednesday with the Dr... don't know what our next step will be.

Thanks for all your prayers and for thinking about me and my family today!

Prayers tomorrow please..

Tomorrow my mom is having surgery, she is having an inguinal hernia removed. Its an outpatient surgery even though a little painful. Please pray that she has a smooth successful surgery and recovery. Please keep her in your prayers tomorrow at 8am eastern time.

My beta is also tomorrow... I'm leaving it to God and trusting him that whatever the result is its the best for us. I will keep everyone posted.

Tomorrow is a big day for us, please keep us in your prayers.

Thanks!

Palm Beach!

I had a great weekend at Palm Beach!!! We traded some Marriott reward points for a 1 night at the Marriott Ocean Pointe in Palm beach! It was a 2 bedroom villa for 8 people! I went with my mom, MIL, DH and my 5 aunts!! So 8 women and DH!! We had a great time, the weather was perfect and it was soooo relaxing!!!!!!!!! Just what I needed!

Now I'm back to work and to study... I'm soo behind that I don't know how I'm going to be able to finish!!! My exam is on Nov 24th so please pray for me! Your prayers have worked wonders!

On the ttc note, we decided to give it a ONE TIME shot to a Femara cycle. Its our first time using Femara so we are hoping it works for us! My beta is scheduled for November 16, so keep us in your prayers!! I'm leaving it to God, it is what it is... so no stress about it! God knows when and why, so we trust him!

Update...

We will be going to Palm Beach this weekend, we have Marriott reward points and we were able to rent a 2 bedroom suite/apartment for free! We are soo excited, its beachfront and the weather is supposed to be great! We are staying just one night, but at least we are going somewhere!!

On the studying front, I'm soo behind... I haven't been able to study much, life has been crazy! My best friend gave birth to a little girl, AS, and she is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! I just love her to pieces! I'm so sad they are moving back to Ecuador, I will miss them soo much, but I know its the best for them now. I just hope that someday they will come back! :) So I have been spending my studying time with this little girl! She is going to make me fail!! LOL... I need to get back on track! My exam is on Nov 24!

TTC front, we decided to give it a ONE more try... we cant afford many rounds at this point since the intralipids infusion is 1,200 every 28 days! We are doing Femara this cycle, we will see how this works out! I'm OK either way... God knows when the best time will be... and we are patiently waiting for it!

I have a Dr's appointment on Monday, to go over the results and to hear the whole plan, since for now all we know is that we need to have the intralipids infusion... not sure if we need any more meds...

Have a nice weekend everyone!

Oct 15th... Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today is national pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. Light a candle at 7pm to remember those we have lost.

As you all know we have 3 angels in heaven, we miss them soo much... this is such an important day for us.

People that havent been through a m/c have a hard time understanding the pain we have gone through, even if we loose them in early pregnancy... it was our baby, our miracle, a LO we wanted so much...

Today is a hard day for many parents, please light a candle for all those LOs now in heaven and for their families to have the strength to get through such a difficult time, keep their faith and to be blessed with another miracle very soon.

BTW, today is my 1 yr blogiversary! :)

Results are in...

I get a call this morning from my new RE... well his nurse actually. She said my Reproductive Immunophenotype (RIP) results are in and the results are.....

POSITIVE!

I know is sad to have something... but OMG I cant believe we finally have an answer from my recurrent losses and infertility!!! Apparently this is the reason why its hard for me to get preggo and why I keep m/c... so now we have an answer!!! She mentioned something about saline infusion... but she said I need to talk to the RE to see what our plan will be (she said is not that easy but that there is treatment for it, so that is good news!)... he is off for 2 weeks so she gave me the appointment for NOVEMBER 2!!!

I was researching online... and I guess the sad part is that maybe I have been preggo many more times... my poor babies have been rejected :( Apparently this cells even attack the eggs and sperm!! Good news is MAYBE I will just have problems conceiving my first and I wont have problems after that... I cant wait for my appointment and have a clearer picture!!

We will get the ETA result either tomorrow or Friday... and we will have a plan in 2 weeks.. :)

Finally....

Finally after 6 months of waiting and saving... I had my immune panels DONE!!! I was supposed to do them yesterday, but couldn't go so I went today. So here is a description of the 2 panels (last panels) since the Dr told me today that after this NO MORE TESTING. So I'm here hoping we get an answer from this.

1) Embryotoxicity Assay (EPA)

Introduction
Recurrent pregnancy loss, unexplained infertility, and infertility associated with endometriosis affect a large number of reproductive age couples. Data are accumulating to suggest that a proportion of these individuals have circulating embryotoxins associated with their reproductive failure. It has been proposed that positive and negative embryotoxic factors provide the basis for a new classification of idiopathic recurrent pregnancy loss and in vitro fertilization (IVF) failure. The prevalence of embryotoxic activity among women experiencing recurrent pregnancy loss is 10% to 15% and among IVF failures is 20% to 25%. Embryotoxic factors have also been reported in women experiencing unexplained infertility and infertility associated with endometriosis.

Indications for Testing
All women experiencing unexplained infertility, implantation failure after IVF, infertility associated with endometriosis or two or more consecutive pregnancy losses should be tested for circulating embryotoxins.

Detection Method
Embryotoxins are identiied by screening the patient's serum using a mouse blastocyst bioassay controlling for variability among mice. Two cell embryos are collected from superovulated mated CB6F1/J mice and cultured in media supplemented with FBS or 10% serum at 37° C with 5% CO2 and high humidity. Each sample is assayed in triplicate using three mice, with at least five embryos from the same mouse per well. Embryonic development is evaluated at 72 hours and the frequency of atretic embryos is recorded. Intra-sample (inter-assay) variation yields a coefficient of variation of 10%. When repeated samples from a given individual are evaluated, the coefficient of variation is 9.7%. Inter-operator variability is 4% inter-assay and 2% intra-assay.

Interpretation of Test Results

A normal value is absent circulating embryotoxins.
Atretric Embryos %
Embryotoxins Absent < 9.4
Borderline 9.4 - 12
Embryotoxins Present > 12

Using the above thresholds, this assay has a specificity of 97%, positive predictive value of 83% and a negative predictive value of 74%, with p=0.0078.



2) Reproductive Immunophenotype (RIP)


Introduction
Identification of the type of relative concentrations of various white blood cell populations in blood is valuable in determining risk factors for pregnancy loss. Evaluation of circulating percentage of CD56+ cells has been shown to be associated with reproductive failure. An elevated ratio of CD4+/CD8+ cells is seen in a number of autoimmune disorders including reproductive autoimmune failure syndrome. Detection of elevation of circulating CD56+ cell is helpful in identifying individuals at risk for not implanting embryos and for losing a karyotypically normal pregnancy. Both of these patient populations can enhance live birth rates by treatment with intravenous immunoglobulin.

Indications for Testing
All women who have unexplained infertility or who fail to conceive after in vitro Fertilization and embryo transfer of apparently normal embryos or who experience two or more consecutive pregnancy losses should be tested for the presence of elevated percentage of circulating CD56+ cells. Elevated percentage of circulating CD56+ cells should be monitored during pregnancy to aid in management of treatment.

Detection Method
The percentage of mononuclear cells expressing CD3, CD4, CD8, CD19, CD16 and CD56 is detected by flow cytometry using an immunofluoroescence technique.

Interpretation of Test Results

Normal values in blood:
Lymphocytes %
CD3 51 - 79
CD4 30 - 52
CD8 16 - 40
CD19 5 - 17
CD56+/16- 3 - 16
CD56+/16+ 0 - 11
Inter-assay and Intra-assay
variability: 3.48 + 0.4%, respectively.

Here is the website if you want more info:

http://www.millenova.com/tests/inditests.cfm

Results will take from 7-10 business days... wish me luck!

Surgery....

My mom will be having surgery on Oct 26th... its an hernia repair. It will be outpatient so she will be home the same day. They told her its a bit painful and they she can't lift or exercise for 3 months. The hernia its very close to the intestines, that is what makes it a bit riskier. The Dr is full before that date so they can't do it sooner. The only concern is that the hernia bursts before the surgery, that will be an emergency surgery and with a high risk of infection. So please keep her in your prayers that nothing happens until the surgery and that everything goes smoothly with a fast recovery!

Thanks!

October 6th...

After many months.... we are finally scheduled on October 6th to have our last 2 immune panels!!! I certainly hope we get some answers from all our losses... so please keep us in your prayers!!

One of the panels have to be done during the 2ww.. so we are hoping my body cooperates and I keep ovulating on target so that we don't need to move our testing day!!

The results should take about 1 week... and then we will meet with the new RE, Dr E, to talk about them and see what he recommends.

We are not thinking about a medicated cycle yet, maybe at the end of the year or beginning of next... we will have a better idea after the results come back!!

I passed the 3rd part of the CPA exam!

I haven't blogged in months!! Seems like every time I post is when I pass a section of the CPA exam!!! I guess that is what revolves my life at this time!

So after having a HARD time with this section, taxes & law, which for me was the hardest so far, I passed! I'm not sure how I did it, I certainly didn't study as much as I should have, the material was mostly new to me and the exam was extremely hard... and even with that I got my highest grade!! God certainly works miracle... anyhow I'm soo happy to be over one more part... now JUST ONE MORE PART TO GO AND I WILL BE A CPA!!! Financial Accounting is schedule for November 24th... so please keep those prayers coming, they have definitely worked!

I cant wait for it to be over, I want my life back!!! All I do is work, study, work, study... I definitely need some time for myself and Jorge! We are hoping to go on a 3-5 day cruise by the end of October, I cant wait!

We also have a mini vacation to Disney for 3 days on Oct 11-13 since its my brothers 12th b-day!! I love Disney, doesn't matter that I have been there SOOO many times, I still feel like a little kid every time I go!! So I'm very excited!!!

Riviera Maya --- Sept 2009

I guess a little late, but I forgot to mention we went to Riviera Maya (Playa del Carmen) in Mexico from September 10-13th!! We had a blast!!!

We got a great deal, with EVERYTHING included!! Soo much food and lots of drinks!! Margaritas and Mojitos were my favorites!!

The beach was beautiful and soo relaxing... we definitely want to go back!! We need to go for at least 6-7 days... ours was way too short!!

Here are some pics...

I passed the CPA part 2!!

Hi ladies!!!

Just wanted to share that I passed the second part of the CPA exam!! The audit portion!! I passed the first part - Business on Feb !! So next part is regulations/tax on August and then Financial Accounting on Nov... hopefully I will pass them all and finally be a CPA!!

About TTC... not trying not preventing... I have 1 panel of immune disorders on Friday at Quest... the other 2 panels have to be done at Millenova in Chicago and my insurance doesnt cover it, so we are looking at about $600 for those... that might be at the end of the month if we save up! Treatments are on hold until we have all the results back. I will also be having an SIS at my previous RE on Thursday it is a standard procedure after a D&C and my new RE wants me to have it too, so I will be bringing him the pictures. Im doing it at my previous RE since they take my insurance and I just need to pay a co-pay.

I will be going to Marco Island for the weekend!!!!!!!!! Sooo excited about that!!!!! Happy 4th of July everyone!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr E... second opinion...

Let me start by saying that Dr E was my first pick when we decided we wanted to see an RE. Unfortunately he does not take my insurance. My OB, which I love, works in the 2nd floor and Dr E is in the 4th floor, so of course they referred me to him. As I said, they didn't take my insurance so we went ahead with our second pick, Dr O. I do love my RE, but it got to a point were he didn't want to try anything new, nor do more testings ... he wanted to go straight to IVF, which for us it isn't an option yet.

A friend of mine goes to Dr E. and she had told me about an IVF trial coming, so she suggested to at least have a consultation with them so that I would be in their records once the trial opens up. (They expect the trial to open late 2009 or beginning of 2010). So I gave them a call, and the cost for the consultation was $295, too much for us now. So I went ahead and explained her my situation, and she said "OH for second opinions its free! "

We had our consultation yesterday, we went over all my history and he reviewed all my results except for the NKA results since I was having a hard time collecting them from SIRM. I actually got my results from the lab today and fax them over.

Here is a summary of the appointment:

Positive:
- He said my ovaries, uterus, tubes, everything looks healthy
- I stimulate great with the meds, he said I had a high chance of multiples and that he would have cancelled some of my cycles!
- My estrogen, progesterone, fsh, etc looks great
- I'm still young and lots of chances of being a mommy

Negative:
- We still don't have an answer to why I keep m/c.

He said he disagreed on why we used injectables to soon, it was not worth it and more a risk of multiples. He said why not try Femara first. He believes I have an immune problem and he would like me to do some more testing on that. He will decide what as soon as he reviews my NKA results. He thinks if IUI worked, why try IVF, he said I shouldn't go on that route yet, there are still other options before that.

I had an u/s done, where he said everything looked perfect and guess what... I OED FROM BOTH OVARIES WITHOUT MEDS! He was surprised !!! Definitely ovulating is not a problem! My lining looked great, and everything else was perfect. I do have a cyst from one of the eggies, he wants to see me on CD3 to make sure is gone.

After we do the testing on the immune problems, he wants us to do a FEMARA+IUI cycle. My DH is so ready for all this but I'm certainly not.

I was already set to the idea of no more treatments for a while, I'm just not ready to do this again, at least not yet. Not ready for a BFN, not ready for another m/c. But the Dr believes we shouldn't loose more time... what to do?

Any advise is more than welcome!! I don't know what to do!! What would you do if you were me?? Keep in mind its about 1,200 per cycle for which I will need to empty my 401K (I have about 2,500 though since the rest I took it as a loan last year).

NKA cell results...

Are NEGATIVE!! I don't know if I'm happy or if I want to cry, so many mixed emotions at this time!! I'm glad I don't have it, but I'm back to limbo!!

So I talked to the SIRM Dr... Dr W. and he said we have one last test to do, even though there is only a 5% chance of us having it. The test is called DQ alpha match, and he said it has to do with the similarities between my husband and I... genetic similarities. He said that if we do test positive, we will most likely need a surrogate, of course this is devastating news, but I feel that we don't have that. I'm not sure about the cost yet, but we most likely don't do it... I just can't afford any more testing at this point. I will call his nurse tomorrow and ask about the details on the testing and the cost.

He also thinks I might have an egg quality problem, even though my FSH level is great and everything has reveal I have normal eggs. My RE believes the same, so maybe that is what our problem is.

We are having our third opinion with Dr E next week, on June 16th... we will see what he has to say.

TTC might be on hold even longer... I'm just not ready to do anything and fail again... I guess the results hit me harder than I thought... but as usual we need to move forward...

I hope a trial opens up, then we can try without the financial issues involved, and then if it doesn't work... we can make a wiser decision on what to do.

Please pray that God leads us to the path we need to follow and to keep giving us the strength that we need during this journey.

Memorial Day trip...

I was born in Guayaquil, Ecuador and move to Miami when I finished high school at 17 in 2001. The first years after I moved I traveled a lot to Ecuador, I just missed it so much. Well 2006 was the last time I went! Now every time I got back, I just want to come back!!! I just cant imagine myself living there anymore...

On May 23rd was my SIL's daughter baptism and I'm her Godmother!! So a great excuse to go back go Guayaquil. My best friends in high school were 7 (I had different groups from different schools, but this was my main group). Well 3 live here in Miami, 1 in LA, and 3 in Guayaquil. So I had a great time talking and hanging out with them; its incredible how years pass and our friendship is still the same!!

I went to the dentist, I did my hair, went to a spa; I basically had a beauty day! I also went to the best RE in Guayaquil, Dr B. Dr B works with Dr E here in Miami, not the one I go to since he doesn't take my insurance, but a great Dr! He went through my history and told me I suffer from secondary infertility, basically my main problem is not to get pregnant but to maintain the pregnancy. He run some FSH, estrogen, progesterone, etc b/w and everything came back perfect.

The first thing Dr B asked me was about the NKA b/w, he couldn't understand why my RE didn't do it, he said it was a main thing and most likely my problem. So now I have 2 Drs, the SIRM Dr and Dr B thinking that NKA is the reason for my losses. I'm kind of upset that I didn't look for all of this before... I could have used my last medicated cycle differently... but past cannot be change so I need to look forward. I had the b/w done on Tuesday and I should get the results next week.

I'm feeling great during this TTC break.... for some reason NOW I don't want any kids... not sure if it is a self defense mechanism from all the suffering or if I'm starting to realize that it might not happen... anyhow I'm good with what I'm doing right now and not ready to be pregnant! How weird is that after all the trying? Of course if God grants us a miracle he/she will be more than welcome!! But I'm not ready for any treatment or trying... I want to continue studying, exercising, saving and paying off all my debt, I will like to be almost debt free before getting preggo.

I feel happy, its incredible how time heals everything!! I have no regrets, no guilty feelings, no more sadness for not having a baby, I feel happy with all that I have! God has definitely given me more than I deserve!

I can't thank everyone enough for all the support you have given me! It is definitely God, DH, family and friends that helped me get through this journey and help me keep my sanity!

Love you!

Post-op appointment....

I had my post op appointment today! I can't believe it has been almost 4 weeks since the D&C... I'm expecting AF to arrive by the end of next week!

Bad news is.... there was not enough tissue to test the baby :( I was so excited thinking I was going to know the sex of the baby and any chromosomal abnormalities he might have had... but I guess that wasn't Gods plan...

He basically said I have an unexplained case and that my next step is IVF, which I knew already. He said before that I need an SIS and DH will need a new S/A... and we are ready to go! Price is 9K for the basic plus meds. He thinks I might not need ICSI, PGD, nor assisted hatching but we will know about that after the retrieval.

I mentioned him about the natural killer cells and he said that there is inconclusive studies on it so that is why he doesn't do it... but I will do it anyways! :)

I asked him why if my main problem is to maintain a pregnancy, why I cant get preggo on my own?? He said, well very good question... there is no reason why!! So we have both unexplained infertility and unexplained m/cs....

I will be traveling to Ecuador for Memorial weekend and seeing the best Dr there... just for another opinion. Its way cheaper... about 3,500 for the whole thing... and he has great success rates.

So the plan is.... if I DO have the natural killer cells... IVF will be done at SIRM, if I dont have it maybe the option will be Ecuador. If I win the lotto it will be done at my RE! LOL We are planning on doing it on November.

I will keep searching for IVF trials in Miami, since those are my first options, but if not we have a plan.

I feel great not ttcing for a while and focusing on other things... Nov will be here in no time!!!

Thanks for everyone's support!! And thanks for all my blog comments, I feel so blessed to have such good friends!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!

SIRM appointment...

I finally had the telephone appointment with the SIRM institute. They had some special testing in immune disorders that most RE's don't have. I read a lot on their website and had a great feeling that they might be able to have an answer to my recurrent losses.

The Dr was really nice, we went over each of my cycles and through all the testing I have had done. He said my RE has basically tested for EVERYTHING except for what he thinks I have! He said there are just 2 tests that I haven't had done and in 1 I have all the characteristics, the other test he doubts I need it. He said most REs don't test these.

So what he thinks I have is .................. Nka - Natural Killer Cells...!! So, what's this? Basically those cells attack invading trophoblasts cells (root system of the embryo) as soon as it tries to gain attachment to the uterine wall. The attack the baby.

So what is the treatment?? Basically I will need to do IVF, and as soon as the eggs are retrieved he will do a Intralipid Infusion (composed of soybean oil, egg yolk phospholipis, glycerin and water). Before the only option was IVIG ( Intravenous gamma globulin) but now they have the infusion as an option, is 90% cheaper and as effective, plus I'm scared of blood transfusions. If I do get pregnant, he will need to do another infusion when I'm about 5-6 weeks (the infusion lasts 3-4 weeks). He said that when the baby is about 8 weeks he will be able to defend himself. How horrible is that I might have been attacking my own baby!! Of course is not my fault... but still..

The test costs $305, I will do it here but send the b/w through FedEx to Chicago, that is where the lab is. And it will be between 7-10 days to get the results. I will having this test done on June 1st, since that is when my Flex Plan kicks in because my insurance doesn't cover this.

He did say that all my and DH testing looks wonderful. My hormones are perfect, my uterus, ovaries, tubes, everything looks great. He also said that its great that the baby had no chromosomal abnormalities (2ND m/c) that means we have less chances of that happening. So I guess good news all in all.

I'm so happy to "probably" have an answer to this nightmare, but sad that I might never be able to conceive on my own. I'm scared of the results, if they are positive I will have this forever and if they are negative then I will be left with no answers. I guess only God knows why and what I have, and I just have to keep praying that he shows us the road he wants us to follow.

I have my post D&C appointment on Monday, we will hopefully get some results from the baby and I really want to hear what the RE thinks about all this.

Appt change..

I got a call from my RE this morning, my appointment has been changed to May 11th at 3:30, no biggie is just a day difference and the time is way better....

The nurse also mentioned that my RE wants me to have another SIS and a physical, so I have to call on CD1 to schedule that. I don't know why I'm having another SIS, but I guess I will know on my next appointment. Since my #s are not back to zero yet, well maybe today they are... she said it would be another 3-4 weeks... I already stopped spotting so I'm hoping I get it soon.

In the meantime I'm having a telephone appointment with SIRM (a fertility clinic in Dallas specialized in immune disorders, endometriosis, and multiple miscarriages) on May 5th at 2:45, its always good to have a second opinion.

Chromosomal testing and beta...

My follow up appointment is not until May 12th (4 weeks after the D&C)... since by that point we will have the results from the baby... and all the chromosomal testing that DH and I had done.

I had a beta yesterday and the nurse call me with the results today.... beta is back at 6! Ughhhh I really thought it was going to be zero!!! Now I have to wait another 2 weeks and have another one done....

Chromosomal testing is back....Drum roll please... DH AND I CHROMOSOMES ARE COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!!!!!!! I haven't talked to the Dr yet, but the nurse said everything came back perfect! I'm so relieved that we have no chromosomal issues, since those are BIG issues... but we are back to square one, UNEXPLAINED INFERTILITY AND UNEXPLAINED MISCARRIAGES!

I hope we can get some insight with the testing of the baby, but most likely we will not... I know what my Dr is going to say... IVF is the route! We cant afford it at the moment, and we are not ready either. I'm looking for a second opinion, just for a piece of mind, I really love my RE. And of course in the search for IVF trials... but in Florida!

We will not consider any other treatment until at least November unless a Miami IVF opens up. I will focus on studying and passing my CPA, working out, and enjoying life... It feels great not to TTC, I'm definitely not ready to try again for a while!

My 26th Bday!

I can't believe I'm 26 already, I know most people will say, Oh WOW you are so young! But I just feel like time is flying... I feel like I just turned 21.... definitely years pass by so quickly! I just want to STOP the time!

I always dreamed to have a baby by 25.... now I dream to have a baby, doesn't really matter WHEN! I just hope God has a LO in store for us!!

I had a great b-day, all my friends and family came to my house for dinner and cake!! I had a great time! I will post some pics soon!

Then on Thursday I went to Disney!! I have been there many times, but I just love it! I feel like a little kid!

On Friday we went to Animal Kingdom in the morning, MGM in the afternoon (just 2 hours) and Epcot at night!! I still cant believe we went to 3 parks in one day!! Definitely what I needed, my mind was completely off anything besides enjoying the rides and the parades! I didn't want to come back!

On Saturday we went to the mall and to Downtown Disney. Of course I went to the Disney store , MY FAVORITE! I just LOVE Disney!!

Now I'm back to work and studying... my 2nd CPA exam (Auditing) is on May 27th and I'm sooo behind!! It's so sad being back to reality....

My angel is now in heaven.....

My 3rd angel is now in heaven. I know probably s/he went a couple of weeks ago, but for me today is the day and I miss him/her so much.

The surgery went well... I was scheduled for 10am but it didn't start until 1pm, OMG I was starving!!!!!!!! I woke up shivering and with some cramping, they put me some morphine and I went to sleep again. I was discharged around 4:30pm and I'm now home!! I have no cramping and very small bleeding, I feel great! The anesthesiologist told me that she put me some special nauseous and some strong cramping meds, so I guess they are working great!!

As far as testing the baby, he said there was not much tissue but he thinks it was enough to be tested but couldn't guaranteed, so we will have to wait a couple more days to be sure, I really hope he can!! My HCG was on the way down as well 1690 today.

I will be home tomorrow as well... he said to rest tomorrow and no exercise nor intercourse for one week, after that I can go back to my normal life. He said he didn't want me to get preggo so soon, which I doubt it though... so to be careful. I'm really not even going to pay attention to any O signs or anything, I'm leaving it to God, I doubt I will be able to get preggo on my own so if by any chance it happens, its a miracle.

Thanks for all your prayers, they definitely worked since everything went as good as possible!! I'm glad that this is over and I'm ready for a new start!!

As scheduled...

I went in for another u/s at my RE today, and there was no change. Sac measuring 5 weeks, intact not collapsing, and no bleeding. Apparently the bleeding we saw last week reabsorbed. My cyst are way smaller too.

I also went to my OBGYN, even though I was convinced of the diagnostic, I wanted a second opinion. He send me for an u/s and the tech gave me a sheet saying "Intrauterine pregnancy, gestational sac seen, measuring 5 weeks, no yolk sac nor fetal pole seen". My OB said not to get discourage, that many people m/c many times without a reason and that he is so sure my time will come. I'm convinced on that as well... we just have to keep trying and praying.

I'm glad I went for a second opinion, I feel confident now that I'm making the right decision to go ahead with the D&C. I just hope now that there is enough tissue to test the baby, I really want to know what I was having. I'm pretty sure it was another boy, we will see!

So the surgery is tomorrow at 10am, I should be home in the afternoon and I will update as soon as I can.

Please pray for a smooth surgery, a fast recovery and to be able to test the baby!!!

D&C scheduled...

Hi ladies!

My D&C has been scheduled for next Wednesday April 15th, I will be about 8.3 weeks. We will be having a last u/s on Tuesday at 11:30 and I will be giving all the instructions for the surgery that day as well...

I'm waiting on a call from the nurse, she has to fax me over some b/w that I need to do before the surgery.

I made an appointment with my best friends OBGYN, my DH and I want a second opinion just to be on the safe side. I'm sure that my Dr's diagnostic is correct but last time I regretted not having a second opinion, so this time we are doing it just so that I can sleep better! :) I'm waiting for them to call me on the appointment, it will be either Monday or Tuesday of next week, and they will do a abdominal and a trans vaginal u/s.

I just want the days to pass by, I want to leave all this behind and move on. I want to exercise, study, travel, go to the beach, I just want my life back and a new start. At least the weekend is coming up and that always make days go by faster. Please pray for us, for an uncomplicated procedure and to be able to test the baby.

Thanks everyone and May God bless you all always!

No change...

I'm 7w2d today, there was no much change from prior week. The sac grew very little and it looks empty. The Dr said there was a little fluid around the sac, not sure what he meant by that. He did say I might bleed soon, doesn't mean I will m/c soon, but that he does see a little bit of blood. He said also I might m/c this week or it can take up to 2 months.

The sac looks intact, so he said we have a better chance of testing the baby now than later, but that we have a 50% chance since the sac is still small. But looking at my previous m/c, the sac was even smaller at this point and we were able to test the baby.

My Dr performs the D&C on Wednesdays unless there is an emergency. So we are looking for next week the 15th to have the surgery performed, of course if I don't m/c on my own before that.

I really wanted to wait until at least 9 weeks... but my birthday is coming up and I really don't want to deal with that that day. I also want to go to Orlando for the weekend of the 25th, I really need a break and breath another air.

I'm still waiting for the nurse to call me, since when I was in there today my DH said he wanted to wait until 9 weeks and we scheduled our next appointment for the 21st, my b-day. So when we realized that on the car, we decided to do the D&C sooner.

I'm feeling OK, u/s days are always hard, but I'm hanging into God and his decision. I trust him.

Thanks everyone for your prayers!! Please pray that we are lead to the path we need to follow, and for God to reveals us what our next step should be.

Waiting....

We had our 2nd u/s today, this time my Dr was there. He is such an optimistic guy, I love him!

On our last appointment the nurse that did the u/s told us what she thought was the sac but she wasn't sure. Well today we confirmed it, we saw the sac measuring at 5 weeks when I'm at 6. 2 weeks, and the sac is empty.

The baby implanted in the lower part of my uterus, near to the cervix, so even if everything was right I would have been at high risk.

There is no signs of blood or any signs that I will m/c soon. He said to come back next Tuesday and if no baby we can schedule a D&C or take some meds. I really want my body to do it naturally, so we have decided to wait until 9 weeks before doing anything, he agreed unless I develop an infection. He will monitor me once a week for now.

He said we have a 20% chance of a viable pregnancy, but being there before I know how things go. I have accepted Gods decision and I'm OK, I rather have this happen now than later in the pregnancy.

I'm glad its not an ectopic pregnancy, now I hope I can avoid surgery and that my body does it naturally.

We don't know how much the sac grew from last time since last u/s it wasn't measured, we can see its bigger but too small for the time I have and empty.

We will be having a chromosomal testing, he gave us the scripts, we might go over the weekend. He said that is the only thing he hasn't tested and he want that done before we move on. I welcome all testing, the more the better. It will take at least 3 weeks for him to the get the results.

I feel fine, it amazes me the strength I have. Having God by our side definitely makes things easier, we trust him and in anything he decides for us.

God bless you all!!

Gods decision....

Deep in my heart I knew things were not right... but my faith was there. I'm not trying to understand the reason why this things happen, I just have to trust God and that it was the best for us.

We will miss our little one forever, he will be soon in heaven with his two little brothers/sisters.

I had my good cry and went to sleep, and I'm now feeling so much better.

There is no reason why this happened, only God know the reason.

As far as the appointment, we couldn't see anything in the screen, the Dr said maybe something there was a little sac, but too small to be sure, so we will be having b/w and another u/s on Tuesday to see if I'm on my way to m/c on my own or if I will need a D&C. I really hope I don't need surgery, please pray for that.

My DH, my family, and friends are the best, they just have the best words to comfort me. I'm glad to have you all in my life.

I hope one day God will bless us with a child, for now the ttc journey is over for us, I'm sure we will have a different path in the future.

Thanks everyone for being here for us always!

God bless you all!

Passed the business section of the CPA exam!!

I just receive my notice, I passed the business section of the CPA exam!! I cant believe it!!!!!! It was such a tough exam, I was so sure I had failed!

For the ones that are not familiar with it, the CPA (Certified Public Accountants) exam contains 4 sections: Business, Auditing, Financial and Regulations. Once you pass one, you have 18 months to pass the rest and you can basically sit every 3 months. The exam is similar to the Bar exam for lawyers, very difficult.

So now I'm starting to study for the Auditing section and I will be sitting hopefully by the end of May.

Thank God!!!!!

I just have the best husband....

I can't thank God enough for the husband I have. He is just the best, so understanding, and always there for me. I can't imagine going through this infertility route without him. I just know that with him and God there is nothing I can fear.

I didn't have a good day yesterday, but I have learned to accept God decision and I know one day I will understand why.

I know one day we will be parents, I don't know if its going to be this time or not, but whenever it is we are patiently waiting.

As much as I want a baby, I have to thank God for all I have. My husband, my family, my health, my friends. I know he has a reason why we struggle so much to get pregnant and maintain pregnant, I will know it someday.

I'm leaving my baby in his hands, and I'm going to accept God's decision. He know what is better for us. I trust in him.

Not so good news...

Beta at 22 DPO went up to 800, not what we were looking for, we wanted at least 1150, but most likely about 2,000.

The Dr is saying that:

1) I had a vanishing twin, since beta #1 was high
2) Labs results are not accurate, since I went to another lab, not the RE lab.
3) Slow grower
4) Another m/c

Needless to say... I'm scared, but leaving it to God. I trust in him, and I know any decision he makes is the best for us, even if I don't understand why. I'm trying to think he is just measuring my faith and that everything will be just fine.

Friday is our first u/s. For now all we can do is pray and have faith.

Praise God! We have been blessed!

After such a long journey, many medicated cycles, 2 m/c, many times just feeling like quitting...

WE ARE



It just seems so unreal... I just can believe God has blessed us!!! Its all worth it now, and I'm sure it will be even more when our LO arrives!

HCG came back at 281 !! Perfect # for how far we are!! And Progesterone went up to 77!!

I was sooo sure I wasn't pregnant, I guess I don't know my body too well huh??

Jorge and I can't be happier, and can wait to meet our little miracle!! EDD Nov 22!! Turkey baby!!

All I can say is THANK GOD!! And Thanks to the Virgen de la Leche, I'm sure she interceded for us!!

Thanks everyone for being part of this journey, I couldnt have made it without you!!

Infertility, why me?

I found this on a website... its just perfect!

~What God meant when he gave me infertility..

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive advice. We can list all the most popular ones: Just relax and you’ll get pregnant”, or “adopt and you’ll get pregnant,” of the most painful from those who think they’ve got the goods on God’s plan, “Maybe God never meant for you to have children.” The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me. These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say “Maybe God never meant for you to live.” However, because I am infertile, I’m supposed to get on with my life. It’s hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, “Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung, or die. What if he’d never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?

I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I’m on. I’ve been placed on the road less traveled, and more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven’t let him down. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I’ve ever known. While I would never have chose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I’ll say " Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."

Our last injectables cycle....

Our insurance covers up to 6 medicated cycles... and up to this point we had used 5 cycles , 2 resulting in pregnancy but m/c and 3 resulting on BFNs..

We were just not ready to use our last, I was not ready for another BFN and knowing that it might be the end of the road for us...

Well I applied to an IVF trial in NY and got accepted!! Then is when I realize I was ready to use my last cycle since I had a backup plan in case it didn't work... so that's what we did... as soon as AF arrived we started our cycle! (Feb 18)

The cycle went perfect! Estrogen was above 1,000, about 3-4 nice big follies!! Lining was great too!! The cycle couldn't have gone better!!

I'm now 8DPO... and feeling no symptoms!! I just know this cycle was a bust... it is so sad to know your body too well... but this time Im not going to be sad, I will accept it and move forward. We have to keep trying! Someday it will work...

As far as the IVF trial, I'm not sure anymore, I just feel I need another break... which I don't understand why since we were on a break from May-August, and then from Oct to Feb... pretty much we have been on breaks almost the whole year... but I just need to focus on other stuff like passing my CPA and starting to save... and of course WORKING! I'm on busy season right now and barely have time for myself...

I guess we will schedule an IVF appointment with the Dr as soon as AF arrives and go from there...

TTC....

I can say that FINALLY I'm up to a point, where seeing pregnant woman, hearing baby talk, and responding to everyone asking when are we having kids doesn't bother me anymore!

I never thought I will ever feel this way... of course every time AF shows is not a happy day... but I have learned to accept it and move forward. My life no longer revolves around a baby, I have learned to trust God and wait until he decides when is our time...

I have a lot of friends that think asking when are you having a baby is the most important question... it is just so hard to make them understand how hard is for someone dealing with infertility and m/cs how that questions makes you feel... but now I just ignore them and tell them that when God decides then that will be the time... I'm so proud of myself that it doesn't bother me anymore and I can respond without feeling any pain.

We trust in God and we are sure we will have our little miracle soon!!

And 2009 begins....

We are starting 2009 with a great attitude, we just feel this will be OUR year!

New Years Resolution!

1) Loose 15 lbs!! Im getting there, I have lost half!

2)We are leaving at our parents house and slowly starting to pay all our credit cards, student loans, and debts... we are hoping that by mid 2010 we will only owe our house mortgage, we will see!!

3) We are planning a trip to Italy and Germany in the Summer... we hope we can make it!

4) We are planning on doing IVF during 2009!

5) We will not be missing a Sunday mass and we will try to go during the week to mass once!

6) Jorge will do the Emaus retreat, same one that I did last year.

7) Pass the CPA exam!

That is all I can remember!! But Im sure Im missing a couple of things!

Almost 4 months without posting!!

I guess all I can say it that I have been consumed by work and havent had a chance to post at all!!

Where do I begin... lets start by our last 2008 events.

Back in December last year I went to St Augustine, FL to visit La Virgen de la Leche. I'd heard great stories of couples dealing with infertility that got preggo after visiting her. So Jorge and I went for a trip! OMG it was BEAUTIFUL!!! I will post pics soon!! This is the website if anyone is interested... http://www.missionandshrine.org/la_leche.htm

I have been praying every night and I feel so much peace after I went ... I just know she is going to grant us our miracle soon. I felt a true connection with her.

Christmas was so much fun! We have a huge family, about 50 people, and we had a great party as usual! I got great gifts from my parents and from my husband.
New Years we went to my cousins house, they live in Los Angeles and their parents bought an apartment here in Miami, so they all came. It was nice seeing them, the last time I saw them was back in 05 when I got married.

Even though 2008 wasnt a good year... we had a good end. Now we are just praying that 2009 will be a great year for all of us!