Waiting....

We had our 2nd u/s today, this time my Dr was there. He is such an optimistic guy, I love him!

On our last appointment the nurse that did the u/s told us what she thought was the sac but she wasn't sure. Well today we confirmed it, we saw the sac measuring at 5 weeks when I'm at 6. 2 weeks, and the sac is empty.

The baby implanted in the lower part of my uterus, near to the cervix, so even if everything was right I would have been at high risk.

There is no signs of blood or any signs that I will m/c soon. He said to come back next Tuesday and if no baby we can schedule a D&C or take some meds. I really want my body to do it naturally, so we have decided to wait until 9 weeks before doing anything, he agreed unless I develop an infection. He will monitor me once a week for now.

He said we have a 20% chance of a viable pregnancy, but being there before I know how things go. I have accepted Gods decision and I'm OK, I rather have this happen now than later in the pregnancy.

I'm glad its not an ectopic pregnancy, now I hope I can avoid surgery and that my body does it naturally.

We don't know how much the sac grew from last time since last u/s it wasn't measured, we can see its bigger but too small for the time I have and empty.

We will be having a chromosomal testing, he gave us the scripts, we might go over the weekend. He said that is the only thing he hasn't tested and he want that done before we move on. I welcome all testing, the more the better. It will take at least 3 weeks for him to the get the results.

I feel fine, it amazes me the strength I have. Having God by our side definitely makes things easier, we trust him and in anything he decides for us.

God bless you all!!

Gods decision....

Deep in my heart I knew things were not right... but my faith was there. I'm not trying to understand the reason why this things happen, I just have to trust God and that it was the best for us.

We will miss our little one forever, he will be soon in heaven with his two little brothers/sisters.

I had my good cry and went to sleep, and I'm now feeling so much better.

There is no reason why this happened, only God know the reason.

As far as the appointment, we couldn't see anything in the screen, the Dr said maybe something there was a little sac, but too small to be sure, so we will be having b/w and another u/s on Tuesday to see if I'm on my way to m/c on my own or if I will need a D&C. I really hope I don't need surgery, please pray for that.

My DH, my family, and friends are the best, they just have the best words to comfort me. I'm glad to have you all in my life.

I hope one day God will bless us with a child, for now the ttc journey is over for us, I'm sure we will have a different path in the future.

Thanks everyone for being here for us always!

God bless you all!

Passed the business section of the CPA exam!!

I just receive my notice, I passed the business section of the CPA exam!! I cant believe it!!!!!! It was such a tough exam, I was so sure I had failed!

For the ones that are not familiar with it, the CPA (Certified Public Accountants) exam contains 4 sections: Business, Auditing, Financial and Regulations. Once you pass one, you have 18 months to pass the rest and you can basically sit every 3 months. The exam is similar to the Bar exam for lawyers, very difficult.

So now I'm starting to study for the Auditing section and I will be sitting hopefully by the end of May.

Thank God!!!!!

I just have the best husband....

I can't thank God enough for the husband I have. He is just the best, so understanding, and always there for me. I can't imagine going through this infertility route without him. I just know that with him and God there is nothing I can fear.

I didn't have a good day yesterday, but I have learned to accept God decision and I know one day I will understand why.

I know one day we will be parents, I don't know if its going to be this time or not, but whenever it is we are patiently waiting.

As much as I want a baby, I have to thank God for all I have. My husband, my family, my health, my friends. I know he has a reason why we struggle so much to get pregnant and maintain pregnant, I will know it someday.

I'm leaving my baby in his hands, and I'm going to accept God's decision. He know what is better for us. I trust in him.

Not so good news...

Beta at 22 DPO went up to 800, not what we were looking for, we wanted at least 1150, but most likely about 2,000.

The Dr is saying that:

1) I had a vanishing twin, since beta #1 was high
2) Labs results are not accurate, since I went to another lab, not the RE lab.
3) Slow grower
4) Another m/c

Needless to say... I'm scared, but leaving it to God. I trust in him, and I know any decision he makes is the best for us, even if I don't understand why. I'm trying to think he is just measuring my faith and that everything will be just fine.

Friday is our first u/s. For now all we can do is pray and have faith.

Praise God! We have been blessed!

After such a long journey, many medicated cycles, 2 m/c, many times just feeling like quitting...

WE ARE



It just seems so unreal... I just can believe God has blessed us!!! Its all worth it now, and I'm sure it will be even more when our LO arrives!

HCG came back at 281 !! Perfect # for how far we are!! And Progesterone went up to 77!!

I was sooo sure I wasn't pregnant, I guess I don't know my body too well huh??

Jorge and I can't be happier, and can wait to meet our little miracle!! EDD Nov 22!! Turkey baby!!

All I can say is THANK GOD!! And Thanks to the Virgen de la Leche, I'm sure she interceded for us!!

Thanks everyone for being part of this journey, I couldnt have made it without you!!

Infertility, why me?

I found this on a website... its just perfect!

~What God meant when he gave me infertility..

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive advice. We can list all the most popular ones: Just relax and you’ll get pregnant”, or “adopt and you’ll get pregnant,” of the most painful from those who think they’ve got the goods on God’s plan, “Maybe God never meant for you to have children.” The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me. These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say “Maybe God never meant for you to live.” However, because I am infertile, I’m supposed to get on with my life. It’s hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, “Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung, or die. What if he’d never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God's plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?

I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I’m on. I’ve been placed on the road less traveled, and more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven’t let him down. Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I’ve ever known. While I would never have chose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I’ll say " Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."

Our last injectables cycle....

Our insurance covers up to 6 medicated cycles... and up to this point we had used 5 cycles , 2 resulting in pregnancy but m/c and 3 resulting on BFNs..

We were just not ready to use our last, I was not ready for another BFN and knowing that it might be the end of the road for us...

Well I applied to an IVF trial in NY and got accepted!! Then is when I realize I was ready to use my last cycle since I had a backup plan in case it didn't work... so that's what we did... as soon as AF arrived we started our cycle! (Feb 18)

The cycle went perfect! Estrogen was above 1,000, about 3-4 nice big follies!! Lining was great too!! The cycle couldn't have gone better!!

I'm now 8DPO... and feeling no symptoms!! I just know this cycle was a bust... it is so sad to know your body too well... but this time Im not going to be sad, I will accept it and move forward. We have to keep trying! Someday it will work...

As far as the IVF trial, I'm not sure anymore, I just feel I need another break... which I don't understand why since we were on a break from May-August, and then from Oct to Feb... pretty much we have been on breaks almost the whole year... but I just need to focus on other stuff like passing my CPA and starting to save... and of course WORKING! I'm on busy season right now and barely have time for myself...

I guess we will schedule an IVF appointment with the Dr as soon as AF arrives and go from there...

TTC....

I can say that FINALLY I'm up to a point, where seeing pregnant woman, hearing baby talk, and responding to everyone asking when are we having kids doesn't bother me anymore!

I never thought I will ever feel this way... of course every time AF shows is not a happy day... but I have learned to accept it and move forward. My life no longer revolves around a baby, I have learned to trust God and wait until he decides when is our time...

I have a lot of friends that think asking when are you having a baby is the most important question... it is just so hard to make them understand how hard is for someone dealing with infertility and m/cs how that questions makes you feel... but now I just ignore them and tell them that when God decides then that will be the time... I'm so proud of myself that it doesn't bother me anymore and I can respond without feeling any pain.

We trust in God and we are sure we will have our little miracle soon!!

And 2009 begins....

We are starting 2009 with a great attitude, we just feel this will be OUR year!

New Years Resolution!

1) Loose 15 lbs!! Im getting there, I have lost half!

2)We are leaving at our parents house and slowly starting to pay all our credit cards, student loans, and debts... we are hoping that by mid 2010 we will only owe our house mortgage, we will see!!

3) We are planning a trip to Italy and Germany in the Summer... we hope we can make it!

4) We are planning on doing IVF during 2009!

5) We will not be missing a Sunday mass and we will try to go during the week to mass once!

6) Jorge will do the Emaus retreat, same one that I did last year.

7) Pass the CPA exam!

That is all I can remember!! But Im sure Im missing a couple of things!

Almost 4 months without posting!!

I guess all I can say it that I have been consumed by work and havent had a chance to post at all!!

Where do I begin... lets start by our last 2008 events.

Back in December last year I went to St Augustine, FL to visit La Virgen de la Leche. I'd heard great stories of couples dealing with infertility that got preggo after visiting her. So Jorge and I went for a trip! OMG it was BEAUTIFUL!!! I will post pics soon!! This is the website if anyone is interested... http://www.missionandshrine.org/la_leche.htm

I have been praying every night and I feel so much peace after I went ... I just know she is going to grant us our miracle soon. I felt a true connection with her.

Christmas was so much fun! We have a huge family, about 50 people, and we had a great party as usual! I got great gifts from my parents and from my husband.
New Years we went to my cousins house, they live in Los Angeles and their parents bought an apartment here in Miami, so they all came. It was nice seeing them, the last time I saw them was back in 05 when I got married.

Even though 2008 wasnt a good year... we had a good end. Now we are just praying that 2009 will be a great year for all of us!