A weekend with GOD....

I have been such a bad blogger... but I have been working so hard that I haven't even had time to breath!

About two weeks ago I went to a retreat, I was looking for some peace and finding myself, even though I was not sure of going. To my surprise it was very different from what I expected, I thought I was going to be praying all weekend and maybe even bored. Well... I had a lot of time to myself, to think about my life, of what I want, and to thank God for all that he has given me. I met wonderful people, they make me realize how fortunate I am for what I have.

I had a special moment I would like to share... but first, a week before going I had an MRI (brain) done and they found some white spots, but my neurologist appt wanst until the week later. Well most of the time at the retreat I kept praying for my health. For God to heal me, my endo, whatever is making us m/c, from the white spots, and all other recent illness.

On Sunday morning, they let us pick where we wanted to sit (before we had assigned seats). There was a poster board face down for each of us, so we prayed that God will give us a message. Mine said: "I have seen your tears, I have heard your prayers, I give you your health", all I can say is that I couldn't stop crying, I definitely felt the presence of God and I felt so much peace.

My MRI results came back normal, looks like I was just born with it, they will keep checking me every 6 months.

I feel it in my heart that God has heeled me. Im sure we will be blessed soon.

Pregnancy and Infant loss

Today is such an important day that is not acknowledge by many people. Please light up a candle today at 7pm for the memory of all those children that are now in heaven.

I have 2 angels in heaven, even though I never got to see them, hear their hearbeat, touch them, they will always be in my heart. Every loss, doesn't matter how early it is, changes our lives forever. I will always remember the day I got my BFP, every call from the Dr, every u/s and every prayer I said for my miracle to stay with us.

On March 5, 2008 I had a D&C, I will never forget the emptiness I felt after the surgery, they had taken away my baby, I was no longer a mommy to be. I have the best husband in the world, that has been with me during this difficult time, and of course my family always beside me, giving me the strength I needed to move on and accept that God had decided to take my little baby.

I think one of the hardest day in my life, was when found out our little boy was perfectly healthy, and there was no reason why he was gone. I felt that my screwed up body killed him, which I know it was not my fault, but just the feeling that I couldn't give my baby the opportunity to live. I later found out that endometriosis makes your body produce some cells that attack the baby, which might be the reason the baby couldn't develop.

People that have never m/c, might never understand the pain that comes loosing a baby even though in such an early stage. The innocence of pregnancy is gone, and from now on I will always be scare of every appointment, every twinge, every day of the pregnancy.

I hope God has store for us a little baby down the road, and he will give us the faith and peace we need throughout the pregnancy.

Today is a special day for many people that have lost their little ones, I will light a candle and say a prayer for all those mommy's to be surprise with a miracle very soon.

About us

Welcome to our blog! After many months of thinking of doing one, I finally decided to start one!

I guess I will start with a little background on us. We are both from Ecuador and we met when I was 17 and Jorge was 20. My family decided to move to the States and on Jan 2001 we moved to Miami, FL. Jorge came to visit me on March and decided to stay! :)

I got my AA degree in Business here in Miami, and moved to Gainesville (Univ of Florida) to finish my Bachelors in Accounting. I graduated in May 2004 and decided to move back to Miami and look for a job. A month later Jorge proposed and we got married in March 19, 2005. I started Grad School a couple of months after we got married and got a Masters in Accounting. I work at a CPA firm as an Auditor since 2005.

In 2007 we decided to start a family, never thinking it would be such a long road. I went to the Dr for a general checkup and after u/s and b/w he decided I was not ovulating on my own. After 3 Clomid cycles and no BFP, we decided to look for an RE. After lots of b/w, u/s, HSG, and DH s/a, we were told that I do O on my own but late in my cycle. Charts show I O on my own between CD18 and CD22. My first cycle with the RE (Sept 07) was a combination of Clomid and Follistim which resulted in a BFP, only to m/c at 5.5 weeks after very low betas.

We took 2 months off and started again, this time an Injectables cycle which again resulted on a BFP. After several u/s, we were told that it was a blighted ovum, and at 9 weeks we had a D&C. Our little baby was tested since they suspected chromosomal problems, and we found out he was a perfect healthy baby boy.

We took a break for a while, and tried 2 more cycles which resulted on BFNs. The Dr suspected endo from family history and symptoms, and on July 08 we had a laparoscopy which confirmed I have Endo Stage 1. We waited 2 cycles and started again on an injectable cycle which resulted on a BFN. After such a long road and being physically and emotionally tired, we have decided to take a break until at least 2009. We will be doing acupuncture since we have heard many success stories from it.

We have decided to enjoy our time together, travel, pay off debts, and hoping God surprises us with a miracle down the road.

I know must of the people don't understand how hard is to struggle to get and maintain pregnant and believe that just by relaxing and not thinking about it, it will happen. Thanks to God I have found great friends that have supported us during this ttc journey and that have been there for me always. Thanks!!!!